The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
