Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I pour the whiskey from now on
I love you. Go after that dick
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
