i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
