When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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