Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm like, not good at living.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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