and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
