I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
