I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize