I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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