ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
