At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
