and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
