How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
