I need to stop coming to work sober
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
