i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The air taste purple.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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