Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
