I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
