im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
