You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my being single is dangerous.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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