its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
