Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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