I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize