I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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