I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
