Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
