I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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