Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
