There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
