i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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