Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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