sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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