i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
