Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
