I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
