I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
