Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i drank out of a bidet.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
