so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
