Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
