i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
