he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
