Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
