I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dear god my vagina.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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