Got a toothbrush?
I think I won the penis lottery.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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