On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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