eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
