Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
