Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
