So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
