It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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