I CAN MOONWALK!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
