Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
