So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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