I just cut my nipple shaving
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
