she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
