I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he thought i was a dude.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
