i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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