I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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